Good Morning: How Casual Greetings Build Connection

I was sitting at a sushi bar, writing in my notebook and minding my own business. Nothing special. Just writing down notes about my day and working on a few stories.

A man walked up to the empty seat next to me. “Hey, how you doing?” he asked. “Is this seat taken?”

“No, please, go ahead,” I said.

He sat down and ordered his food. A few minutes later, he nodded at my notebook. “So what are you writing about?”

I told him a little about it, and we started talking.

About half an hour later, he told me someone had gifted him a bottle of wine. “I just want to share it with somebody,” he said. “Would you like to try it?”

“Sure,” I said.

He got up, walked behind the bar and grabbed two glasses. I watched him and thought, Wait, what is this guy doing? He’s going to get kicked out.

He came back, sat down and poured. “By the way,” he said, “I’m the owner.”

We talked for the rest of dinner about art, wine and where we came from. He’s from Italy, I’m from Venezuela. I didn’t expect anything out of it. It was just a really good conversation with an interesting person.

The cool part is what happened after. Now when I walk into that restaurant, he greets me like an old friend. Every once in a while he brings over a sake shot, just to say hi. I’m sure he does this with a lot of people, and honestly, that’s the point. It’s one of the reasons I keep going back. Not just for the food, but for those small connections that build up over time.

I’ve thought about that night a lot. Not because it was lucky, but because of how close it came to not happening. If he’d sat next to someone else, he probably would have talked to them instead. If I’d left my notebook at home, which I sometimes do, he might not have had a reason to ask. Who knows? And thinking back, I’m not even sure he was the one who said hello first. It might have been me. What I do know is that it all started with “Hey, how you doing?”

Say it when you sit down

Here’s what I’ve noticed. When you sit down next to someone, there’s a short window where saying hello feels completely natural. Wait ten, fifteen, twenty minutes, and the silence settles in. Now “Hey, how you doing?” comes out of nowhere, and it feels awkward, so you don’t say it.

So I say hello as soon as I sit down. “Hey, how are you doing?” or “Hope you’re having a good day.” That’s it.

It doesn’t commit either of us to anything. It just leaves the door open. If one of us wants to talk later, we can. If not, no big deal. Think of it like a thread. You don’t have to pull on it, but it’s there if you want to.

The woman on the plane

I was flying home after visiting my parents. It was early in the morning, and I was already tired. I don’t really talk to anyone at the airport. I’m usually in my own world.

When I got to my seat, the woman next to me looked up. “Hey, how are you doing?” she asked.

“I’m having a good day, thanks for asking,” I said. Then I put my headphones in, and that was that.

While the plane was getting ready, she turned to me again. “Not to bother you,” she said, “but where are you headed?”

“California,” I told her.

She told me where she was from, and we started talking. At one point she said, “It’s really cool to see young professionals like you.” Then she told me about the boy she was traveling with. She was raising him after one of his parents had passed away.

She lit up when she talked about him. He’d figured out those dumpling toys that went viral, bought them up and sold them at school for a profit. He was into sports too. He wanted to play basketball, but he was still figuring out which sport was his.

I could see a bit of myself in him: a kid trying something new and figuring out what he’s good at.

“You need to encourage that,” I told her. “The selling thing is entrepreneurship, and he’s young, so let him experiment. Same with sports. If he quits basketball, let him try another one. He’s just following his curiosity.”

I meant it. It’s really easy to miss someone’s gifts and shrink them with criticism, when you could be growing them with encouragement.

She thanked me, and then we let it be. Five hours, barely another word, and that was fine.

When we landed, before we got up, she turned to me. “It was really wonderful having a conversation with you,” she said.

“It was great meeting you too,” I said.

We said goodbye, and that was it. No follow-up, no exchanging numbers. Just a great conversation that started with a hello.

It’s not a networking trick

I’m not telling you to do this so you can land your next job.

We live in a world full of people from different places and cultures, raised in all kinds of ways. But one thing we all have in common is that we can acknowledge each other. Just by saying “Good morning.” It doesn’t have to be anything crazy.

When you say “Good morning” to someone in an elevator, you’re telling them: I see you. Most of us go through the day on autopilot, thinking about the next thing on our to-do list. A simple hello can wake someone up for a second and remind them that other people notice them, that they’re part of something bigger.

If they don’t say it back, that’s okay. They might be in their own world. Keep going and say it to the next person.

The elevator ride might only last a few seconds. But you never know what a little hello can start. Small things spread like wildfire.

Try this

The next time you share a space with someone, whether it’s a seat on a plane, a stool at a bar, a coffee line or an elevator, say hello in the first minute. “Good morning.” “How’s your day going?” Or in the coffee line, “What are you thinking of getting?” Then let it be.

You can pull the thread later if you want to, but you don’t have to. Either way, you’re getting yourself out there a little, and you might make someone’s day.

If you want to go further

• Read: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, the classic on taking a genuine interest in other people.
• Follow: Vinh Giang on YouTube, for how to communicate and express yourself with confidence.